work work work work eat work work work work work drink work drugs work work work work work drink work work work drugs work work work work work work sleep work work work

this is my life. still. why haven't things changed? because I haven't felt like doing a single damn thing about it. I dont really care that all I do is work, drink, and do drugs. it works for me. nicely. because i'm energized at work; somehow my body is functioning on so little sleep for so long and has gotten in this habit. i think it is used to no sleep. As long as I'm making money for college, that's all that matters. that, and I'm doing extremely well in school, which is a miracle in and of itself, since I skip more school than I attend. hmmmm... but i skip school to work....so how does that factor in? haha. I dont care anymore.

I've always hated Christmas. Its a known fact of my friends. but this year has been slightly different. I've had the money and means to give good presents to my close friends and I feel very good about it. I gave them all a piece of me, my artwork. Seeing my friends all so happy to receive my artwork as a present makes me feel happy. And I haven't been that happy in awhile.

apart from work and school, I've been busy with art. I don't know if I'll ever post any on DA, but I love making art more than anything else.

I predicted in October in my last journal that it was going to be a hard end of the year. it was. it IS, i should say. I've been living mostly with my boyfriend and my friends, wandering from place to place. I quit one of my jobs a few weeks back. and its really hard not having that extra cash flow backing me up. eating is becoming less and less common. i miss eating a lot. My stomach has shrunk since I've lost my job...i guess a side effect of losing that money and thus not being able to eat as much as I would like to. hmmm. I still do odd & end jobs...which saves me some days so i can buy dinner. I haven't eaten lunch in months...I work through it. which sucks. I miss lunch.

I'm almost done applying to colleges...just essays to write. joy. I don't know why I bother sometimes because I know I can't afford to finish college. I guess its better to start and drop out and that money was wasted, than never try at all....right? sure.

Even with all that I'm working, I still have time to have fun. I went to a concert last sunday. drove 4 hours to see it. My friend gave me a ticket for the concert for my birthday and xmas combined. she is awesome. so I took off work that sunday to go. and had a blast. I think I still have some bruising from the mosh pit and crowd surfing. meh. I've also been hanging out a lot with my boyfriend's friends, mostly because i've been staying at their house they rent. haha. so we've all become really tight.

So its not all work and no play. Its either work or play...there is nothing else.